Funerals and Mourning – further information

This page offers practical guidance on what to do when someone dies, what to expect, and how Progressive Jewish mourning practices can support you.

Funerals

Immediately following the death of a loved one, a family member should contact the synagogue of the deceased and then their own personal community (if different). They will be able to provide advice on how to proceed and discuss funeral arrangements.

If you are not a member of a community, we will assist you. Click here to find out about Non-Member Funerals or email us on funerals@progressivejudism.org.uk.

A funeral, and the mourning which follows, are very personal and your rabbi or cantor will take your wishes into account and offer tailored guidance.

Progressive clergy conduct funerals for burial – both cemetery and now woodland – and cremations. They aim to provide a supportive space for mourners to be comforted by the community, family and friends.

A Jewish funeral may include the following:

• The recitation of prayers and Psalms.
• A Hesped – a short eulogy about the deceased.
• Mourners, friends and family accompanying the casket from the prayer hall to the graveside (burial only).
• Helping to bury the dead by placing earth into the grave (burial only).
• El Malei Rachamim and Mourner’s Kaddish – prayers recited in honour of the deceased.

For those opting for burial, non-Jewish partners can be buried together with their Jewish partners in some of our cemeteries and woodlands.

A Jewish funeral for cremation is performed just like a Jewish funeral for burial. Families can choose to have the ashes scattered, or keep them, and it is also possible to have them buried (with a later stone setting).

There are no prohibitions in Progressive Judaism as to where ashes can be scattered.

We encourage people to become organ donors, to help save the lives of others – the mitzvah of pikuach nefesh – and support families where the deceased has chosen to donate organs or give their body for medical research.

This video, featuring Rabbi Laura Janner-Klausner, and this article from America’s Progressive Movement offer further guidance on what to expect and do at a Jewish funeral.

Shiva

Shiva – the Hebrew word meaning ‘seven’ – refers to the traditional seven days of mourning following the death of a close relative, defined as a parent, sibling, partner or child.

There are many others to whom we are close – be they more distant relatives or friends – and one can also sit shiva for them if one so wishes.

The idea of ‘sitting’ is that you remain at home throughout this period and instead people come to visit you.

There may be formal prayers at a certain point, usually in the evening, but people still come at all other times of the day, whether by appointment or just dropping in, so as to keep the mourners company.

There can be many variations of this overall framework.

Many people choose to observe the shiva tradition for a shorter period, and to hold prayers one or three nights only.

Stone settings

A stone setting is a short ceremony that gathers together mourners, their family and friends, for the consecration of the matzevah (tombstone).

The custom is to wait around a year after burial of the body – or in some cases the ashes. This passage of time means the stone setting provides an important moment to remember the dead and to reflect on one’s own journey since their passing.

The date of the stone setting should be arranged in consultation with the officiating rabbi or cantor, synagogue office and the cemetery.

The tombstone usually carries the Hebrew name of the deceased (when known) and sometimes also their Hebrew dates of birth and death.

Contact the burial society or The Movement for Progressive Judaism for a list of approved stonemasons who have authorisation to carry out work in our cemeteries. The cost of the stone setting should be discussed, agreed and paid directly to the stone mason. For non-member stone settings there will be additional charges.

There are various contact points when it comes to funerals and mourning. Please speak to your local community’s rabbi or cantor and/or The Movement for Progressive Judaism in the first instance.